In 2008, my son Bo made the milestones of talking, going to school full time and finally weaning. Today, in fact, on Xmas Day, he gave me a hug, a kiss and a big 'bye,' as he went off with his daddy without a fuss. I thought to myself 'wow he's really a boy now, not a baby.' It left me to a day of my own reflection, taking back in some quiet, alone time to myself. I admit, I felt a little lost without my routine with Bo, but I think it's always necessary for us mamas to be able to function independently, as much as it is for them to do as well. When he came home, he was excited to see his mommy again, and ran right in without saying so much as goodbye to his daddy. (lol...he's still MY baby). I finally feel as if I'm no longer an overwhelmed, sleep deprived, new mother and have moved into a more mature, steady phase. It's also feeling like the right time to give birth to my new baby, my business(es). I've been holding out for this moment when Bo doesn't need me as much and I can devote a little more time and energy towards new ventures. So I'm doing interviews, writing and organizing my thoughts so they all can become a reality rather than just ideas I've been incubating for the last year and a half. Achieving motherhood has turned my biological time clock off so that I can put my attention back towards a career in something I'm passionate about. Single motherhood also means that I am required to value and love myself and in turn attract more healthy people and situations than I have in the past. It also provides immediate motivation to strive for something better because you want to be able to offer your child a richness in experience and opportunity. Knowing you are solely responsible for that happening really lights a fire under your ass, so to speak.
On another note, I saw a great movie today at the Angelika (also showing at BAM) which I think y'all should catch if u can: "Slumdog Millionaire." It's set in India and is an entertaining story of love, truth, integrity and triumph over poverty and corruption. I enjoyed it so much because these are the principles I want to embody in 2009 and beyond and I love when you see a movie with a message at the right time. I am also reading Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" and soaking up his lessons of moving away from an ego-centered life to one of higher conscience and purpose. I know a lot of us who are no longer with our child's father suffer from a multitude of issues that led to dysfunctional relationships and/or situations, but I'm really holding on to the belief that we can heal, move past it and succeed greater than we ever imagined. It's really just about doing the work, the knowledge, letting go of the past and claiming your dreams. It's also about enjoying the present moment regardless of what you have or don't have, because no matter what, you are blessed with necessities, health, and the love of your child. Imagine yourself without those things and you'll know what I mean. I'm also re-training my thought, that the answer to all my problems isn't just money, a new car, a better apartment or a new man for that matter. My major goals this year are to stop obsessing about money, focusing on doing things I love and am good at, as well as maintaining the belief that as long as we have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, food on the table, the ability to roll with change, along with love and courage in our hearts, we have everything we need and then some. I feel like whatever else will follow. In 2008, I have officially surrendered to the Universe, and am opening up to my destiny.
I hope this holiday season is a great one for you and yours. And here's to '09... when everything will be just fine :).
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